I like to fish, and every chance I get, I’m packing the truck and heading for the hills. Now, I know that compared to an unmarried fishing guide or a retiree, I don’t fish that much, but I have a wife, a child, an 8-5, and a mortgage, and still I successfully manage to put in 30-40 days fishing or hunting a year. To me, that’s a success.
I often get asked by several of my buddies, how I talk my wife into letting me go fishing and hunting all the time. There is an easy answer to this. I married up. End of story. My wife is extremely understanding and knows that if a couple weekends go by and I’m not fishing or hunting, I’m going to be a basket case.
Having said that, I would offer several tips to the poor sucker whose wife is busting his balls for going fishing too much. (Full disclosure: I’ve tried all of these and they work.)
#1. Handwritten notes – I found a small journal in the closet that wasn’t seeing any use, so I started a tradition of writing my wife a note and telling her how much I love her and where I was going for the day along with the details of when I should be getting back into cell service. She says that she really enjoys getting up on Saturday mornings, reading what I wrote, and getting to see where I’m going. She thinks it’s sweet, although on several occasions she has threatened to publish all of my secret fishing spots. I think they call that blackmail.
#2. Wildflowers – This is a winner. When the seasons are right here in Arizona, we have some pretty spectacular wildflowers. When I find a decent spot on one of the backroads, I’ll pull over and cut a small bouquet for her, put them in my coffee cup full of water, and romantically (or at least as romantically as I can smelling like sweat, dust, and fish) give them to her when I get home. This goes a long way in softening things up when you get back from a long day of fishing.
#3. Involve her – Everyone needs their own space and downtime. Fly fishing has become my escape and I often use the time to recharge my batteries while enjoying the solitude of nature. Although my wife had never really shown much interest in fly fishing, she made mention of wanting to give it a try when we hiked into the Grand Canyon and camped on Bright Angel Creek. When she pulled her first wild rainbow out of the creek, I think I was more excited than she was. Over time we have had several opportunities to fish together, and I know she has a better understanding of why I love it and need to take off on a Saturday. Now on long car rides, she’s cool to even listen to a couple of Tom Rosenbauer podcasts to break up the drive. How does it get any better than that?
Anyone else have any tips or tricks?
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Involvement is key. Even if she’s not fishing it’s great to have Megs along for a day trip, especially to a place that doesn’t require canyoneering to get to that one spot. Just having her along to share the scenery is rad and she takes an ok fish picture too.
Right on DJ. Sounds like you’ve got a good one too.
Ben
A wonderful relationship. I thought you lucky, but now realize that you’ve made your own luck with thoughtfulness and inclusion. A lesson the world could learn.
Oh, and my tip? Before I slip out of the house at zero-dark-thirty, I try to leave annotated yellow post-its around with where she’ll find them as she moves through her day, knowing full well that I’ll find the same in my duffel and gear as I go through my day.
For example: http://www.mikesgonefishing.com/2013/06/seen-any-of-these-today.html
Thanks for a great post.
That’s awesome Mike. Michelle did something similar for me on my last Pyramid Lake trip. I’d open up different bags and find my favorite candy bar. It sure is nice knowing their thinking about us. Thanks for the kind words.
Ben
It was definitely 20 inches, it’s just the angle of the picture that makes it look smaller.
And… When wildflowers are not available, icecream works well too
You’re right baby. It was definitely a big one. Your icecream hint has been filed away. Next time.
Mr. AZW
Great post! I always make sure there is enough time in the week to do family stuff too. My wife knows if I don’t get my ‘outside’ fix my head will explode, but I won’t miss a family trip to the zoo to catch more trout…
Good call Eddie. It’s so important to keep that balance.
Ben
One of my favorite posts ever, Ben. We are indeed blessed. Thanks for the tips for staying out of the doghouse!
Thanks for the kind words Zach. I totally agree with you.
Ben
I’m one of those lucky guys whose wife fly fishes. Although I mostly fish alone or with a male friend, I look forward to our planned trips together.
Very cool Howard. You’re a lucky man.
Ben
My Mrs. appreciates it when I take the kids with me when I can/am willing. They are 8 & 5 now, so are able to wander the woods and play in the mud relatively unsupervised while I fish. They are starting to get the fishing itch, too, which is the best thing a dad can hope for!
That’s awesome to hear. We’re looking to take a small camping trip in the near future to start introducing our girl to the woods. Looking forward to when she’s old enough to hold a fly rod.
Ben
I invest in my wife’s hobby. I take her to the the beautiful spots to fish with me. I also give her the front of the boat 😉 it’s a very good read Ben, it looks like you’ll have to learn to involve the baby girl next!
Thanks Mike. Good tip too on investing in your wife’s hobby. I’m always open to suggestions on how to get my little girl into the woods. Knowing me, it will be trial by fire. Hope all is well. Take care.
Ben
I’m lucky, my girlfirend loves fresh caught walleye and the only way she is going to get it is if I go and catch it. One stop shopping for her. I catch, clean and cook. All she has to do is enjoy.
That’s awesome Mark. Sounds like you’ve got a good one there. Now go catch some walleye.
Ben
Ben,
Your article made me realize how lucky I am. Been married 32 years, fish 60+ days per year, and never heard a complaint. The only thing I ever hear is…’shouldn’t you be fishing today?’ In addition, she has started fishing some with me. Those are great days.
Lynn
That’s awesome Lynn. Sounds like you’ve got a good one.
Ben
Thanks for publishing this awesome article. Seeing as I am new to the marriage game, I am trying to figure this whole thing out. Thanks for the tips! I will use them wisely!
No problem Phillip. Good luck.
Ben
You know, in all seriousness, this post was a great reminder for me. Sometimes, when our priorities don’t quite line up, I tend forget these acts of thoughtfulness. Thanks!
That’s one of the best comments to hear Corey. Glad you enjoyed the post.
Ben